Friday, March 23, 2012

I hate to say this but when he's right, he's right

original print date 1-3-12
Chariton Valley News Press

I hate to say this but … Larry was right! My cats are worthless. I have always said the only reason I have cats in the house is for mouse control but this weekend I had to admit it. The two cats I currently have will never catch a mouse.
I knew I had a varmint in the house. I had seen the signs. I don’t like putting poison out because of my cats and the retched creatures always die somewhere that I can’t reach them to dispose of the carcass. Then the house smells for days. I have had it on my list to get some traps but I was seriously hoping since I hadn’t seen anything for a few days that the cats had taken care of the problem.
Then, Sunday evening as I was walking through the dining room, I caught sight of something out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought age was catching up to me and I had one of those floaters in my line of eyesight but deep down I knew what was scurrying across the dining room. It was time for tweedle dee and tweedle dum to earn their keep. Both cats were summoned with great fanfare to their intended call of duty. It was time to rid my house of unwanted creatures.
Both cats seemed only remotely interested in what I was doing so I tried to encourage them to help me out in this little adventure. Zoey joined right in on the hunt. Chloe could have cared less what we were doing. I pulled the refrigerator away from the wall so we could all get a better look at the intended target.
I’m not scared of mice - I just don’t like them because they are just nasty little creatures. But this “little” creature was the size of a football. It just sat there and looked at me like “what’s your problem? I’m here and I’m staying.” I spun around like a ballerina with great poise and confidence. I tried to share my enthusiasm with fat cat by proclaiming, “look Zoey – GET ‘EM”!
She looked at me with much the same stare I get when I tell Jake to clean his room. She blinked a couple of times and looked down at the mouse. I’m pretty sure that blasted critter smiled with a look of satisfaction. I’m guessing they had met before and he knew where this was going.
The stare down game continued for what seemed like days. It pained me to watch that stupid mouse win – Zoey blinked first. Actually, I think Zoey forfeited because she was overdue for her evening siesta and she just couldn’t keep her eyes open any longer.
I gave up on Zoey and put my faith in Chloe to take care of matters. She had stretched out across a dining room chair and was fast asleep. I picked her up and sat her on the floor looking directly behind the fridge. The mouse hadn’t moved yet. Her reaction was, “oh look, a mouse! You woke me up for that?”
At this point, Larry had meandered into the room. I was so hoping when he entered the scene, I would be able to proudly tell him that yes, there is good reason to have cats in the house. They caught the mouse. Instead, I was smack dab in the middle of a sleeping cat, a cat staring at a mouse, and a real life version of Speedy Gonzalez. The mouse jumped in the air, smacked his feet together and laughed rambunctiously as he sped away.
Larry looked at me with that smug look of “I told you so” and blatantly asked, “Why didn’t YOU kill it?” Last time I checked my duty list, mouse exterminator was not on it. That is why I keep cats in the house! It isn’t because I enjoy cleaning litter boxes or middle of the night clashes between the cats and my husband. I wanted the cats to kill the mice for me so I never have to think about the pests, EVER.
So now I have to commit the cardinal sin of wifehood. I have to openly admit that I was wrong and Larry was right. My cats are not mouse killers and they could care less if football sized invaders overtake the house, as long as their morning, afternoon, and early evening siestas are not disturbed. The mice could tear the house down around them and they would watch. When and if they occasionally opened their eyes it would be to make sure their resting spot was not going to be disturbed.
I’m sure Larry will use this on many occasions in the future. My argument has always been “when is the last time I was wrong and you were right dear”. He has hung on to the last time this happened, back in the early 90s sometime, for dear life for years. Now his arsenal has another dagger in it for future use. It won’t be tucked away in the far recesses of his mind and brought out occasionally. It will be hung on a billboard at my driveway so I am reminded on a daily basis when and how it occurred. Looks to me like 2012 is going to be a very long year in the Latamondeer household.

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