Wednesday, June 13, 2012

This world never ceases to amaze me

original run date May 22nd
Chariton Valley News Press

It never ceases to amaze me the level some people will stoop to for their own benefit. I see it in the world around me and wonder how and why. An incident recently made me shake my head in wonder as some person’s lack of conscience touched our family.
Seven years ago on the anniversary of Jeana’s death, the kids and I planted some bright orange peace lilies next to her headstone. They almost always bloom out the first of June near her anniversary and are gorgeous – until this year.
I always go to the cemetery near her birthday to clean up faded silk flowers, broken trinkets, and replace flowers in the vases. This year I noticed a hole next to the headstone. I didn’t think too much about it until later in the day and I realized that is where the peace lilies should be poking through the ground. I went back the next week – surely I was wrong?  But I wasn’t.
Someone had gone to the cemetery, dug the bulbs for the peace lilies out of the ground and taken them. I wonder – do you steal flowers from a cemetery in the middle of the night or are people brave enough to do something like that in the middle of the day as the sunshine from above beats on their shoulders?
Our family talked about the situation and what kind of person would do something like that. A quick “message” to my “friend” on Facebook brought responses that made my jaw drop. Apparently, stealing from a cemetery is not really that uncommon. As friends and neighbors told me of stolen flower bushes, shepherd hooks with hanging baskets, and items of meaning left at the headstones of loved ones, I was dumbstruck. Seriously, people drive through and think they truly “need” these things?
As the post to my friend mentioned, I hope as Jeana watched you dig up those flowers, she turned to the Big Man on her left and they concocted a plot of revenge that rivaled some of the pain she would inflict on Joni and Jake when they really ticked her off. Yes, I know, that isn’t a Christian attitude but it was as nice as I could come up with under the circumstances.
Images of Jeana’s revenge started flashing through our minds. By far the most infamous was the day a $2.00 can of cooking spray reeked havoc in the household. Once again, the story starts with Jeana accusing Joni of being too bossy. As Joni bolted out the door to drag me into the middle of their feud, Jeana’s mind gears quickly went into high gear and revenge was imminent.
Locked doors, kitchen linoleum that was a little slick to begin with, and a can of Pam was all she needed to get even. As Joni busted through the only unlocked door in the house to inform Jeana that the mission had been accomplished – she had made me stop mowing to tattle – reality struck as Joni went gliding across the kitchen floor. The ensuing screams brought Jake barreling into to watch the action and he quickly became a scene in Jeana’s revenge plot as well.
The three of them combined made enough noise to wake the dead. My mower came to a screeching halt and I quickly made my way into the house to take care of the situation. I don’t think I was supposed to be a victim but that didn’t keep the three monkeys from enjoying the show. They were all three sitting on the carpet just far enough away from the linoleum to not get hurt when I came crashing down. They looked like the “hear no evil, see no evil, say no evil” monkeys – innocence was not their most convincing facial expression.
Needless to say, my screams could be heard by all the neighbors, which brought Larry in the house rather quickly. They still hadn’t unlocked any other doors. Since the seat of my shorts had soaked up the biggest portion of the oil glistening on the kitchen floor, Larry’s ending was not as earth trembling as mine. I must admit though, the show he put on trying to keep from the crash and burn had moves I had never seen before.
In the end, Jeana spent a good part of her evening scrubbing the floor. It seems cooking spray sticks pretty well to linoleum and it took some elbow grease and Dawn dish soap to get it all up. It didn’t seem to phase her much though. She sang the whole time she was scrubbing.
As we recalled this incident and others, we all had to chuckle just a little. If she can cause such a stir with a can of Pam, what on earth is she capable of these days?  I read a quote somewhere that read,  “as she has planted, so does she harvest; such is the field of karma”. I hope our thief’s garden will feel the sting of karma with disease and pests. Again, I realize that isn’t a Christian attitude to have but wouldn’t it be great if karma was actually our loved ones way of defending those of us left behind from the evil here on earth. If that’s the case, I pity the fool who stole those flowers.

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